And it feels God is doing this on purpose to create more dependence within me on him. He wants me to care less about seeking fulfillment in people, things, activities, jobs, money … and get everything from Him. He becomes the sole source for life, in all its variation and variety. to let Him add to me what He deems best and how.
So I’m looking for more than a bunch of empty relationships. My transience may prevent finding many, but it doesn’t end the desire or hope that I will. I have good friends, but my trust will be in God, who goes with me in all places and into all situations.
Learning to trust God for all things is simultaneously difficult and freeing. Difficult as I must trust the eyes of my soul before the eyes of my body. Second, I have less say in the how and no say in the glory of achievement. Freeing because I stop trusting in the temporal, the easily destroyed or soon-to-fade. My assurances come from elsewhere, from a being intelligent, powerful and dedicated to my welfare in a manner better than simply giving me what I want, but knowing what I need.
I don’t have to justify or detail or explain. I can only tell you the difference in my soul I experience every day. The difference is real. I am a different man because He is a consistent God.
And that’s enough for me.